How to become a male escort

This is a complete guide on how to become a male escort for female prospects. In other words, the guide is for how to become a male escort for girls. But, even an aspiring gay escort can still learn a great deal from the guide because, many will agree with me that, in the world of escorting, female clients are seemingly harder to win. Thus, if a college students were to understood those courses which are generally classed as difficult, such a student is less likely to find difficulty in the other courses.

That being said,  my name is TheRoseGuy, and this guide is based on my five years experience as a male escort in Nigeria. Therefore, the ideas, suggestions, general principles and conclusions presented in this guide are likely to be subject to country specific laws and regulations, court cases and any revisions of same. The reader is thus urged to consult legal counsel regarding any points of law. This publication should NOT be used as a substitute for competent legal advice.

1. Introduction

I was born and bred in Uyo, Akwa Ibom. My beginnings were humble, I attended both a government primary and secondary school, but I left school without any formal qualifications. Having found escorting, I’ve been able to further my education over several years. In fact, earnings from this exciting industry have allowed me to undertake and gain a university degree. I now stand on the edge of another exciting new career, but as a different type of professional. So well done for checking out this guide because you’re about to embark on a journey that will enrich your life and your bank balance! Before you start make a cup of coffee or tea, pour a glass of wine or crack open a cold beer, turn off your telephone and roll-up your sleeves whilst we get stuck in and uncover the world of the male escort. The guide has been designed so that you can jump up and down as you need to. However, I would recommend that on first reading you start at the beginning and read right through to the end. All the figures are quoted in Nigerian Naira. If you wish to convert into another currency then use Yandex.

2. The male escort market

How demanding is male escort? In other words, is it true that a woman will pay a man to keep her company, if true, how common are these kind of women in our society that one might rely on to earn a living? Well, the answer is a resounding YES! There are many women out there that hired men to keep them company everywhere in the world, but might be much more commony in certain countries than others but every single country has them.

While I might not know the exact number of these women in each country, I know for definite that the market for male escorts is growing. Why? Well, a number of things have changed over the decades. Firstly, the quantity of prominent magazines asking for a twist I receive has dramatically increased. This tells me that the male escort industry is becoming more main stream. Secondly, the number of new prospects contacting me has gone up year on year – the global recession has had zero impact. Thirdly, SFS uses analytical software which tracks visitor numbers and other such metrics like, where a visitor come from, which page the visitor visited and so on. And it highlights the fact that unique visitors numbers targetting male escort pages continue to rise. Lastly, the volume of searches on Google for keywords relating to male escorts is now at an all time high. How can I prove this?

Escorts sites like SFS often engage in advertising and for many years SFS uses Google Adwords (paid advertising) to promote their escort website. In order to help advertisers choose the best keywords Google provides a keyword research tool. This calculates the number of monthly searches for any given keyword, for example: ‘male escort’.

A recent search (27 June, 2024) revealed there were around 235,000 monthly searches for the keyword “male escort”. Compare this figure with the number of searches for “female escort” which stood at 190,500. I use the figures to illustrate there are a huge number of searches for male escorts. I’m not trying to imply that the market for males is bigger than for females. It is also important to recognise that thousands of people are looking for gay male escorts. And they may start their search using the words “male escort”. But if you add all the changes that have occurred together, then the numbers clearly show the demand for male escorts (for ladies and couples) is rising.

2.1 Male escort client

An heterosexual male escort clients fall into two categories, ladies and couples. The ladies are generally single and between the mid-thirty to late forties age range. However, there are exceptions and I’ve met quite a number of younger chicks in their twenties and mature ladies in their fifties. Couples I’ve found are in their thirties and forties, but once again I’ve met a few who are younger or older than the norm.

No matter what age, clients just want no-strings companionship with a normal, presentable, interesting guy who’s a good listener. The quality of being a good listener is imperative: as I’m sure you are aware ladies generally love to talk, often at length. Remember you were born with two ears and one mouth, so listen more than you speak.

Listen more than you speak.

You will find that your female clients come from all walks of life, but the actual types you attract will largely depend on how you sell yourself (more on this later). What they do tend to have in common is that they’re used to being in control like some people from Anambra, so it’s likely they’ll be professionals, entrepreneurs or high-flyers from the corporate world.

Provided you build a good relationship with your female clients they will keep booking you for around six to twelve months. Obviously, these are only estimations but I can say from experience that few client/escort relationships last beyond a year. Why? Because your client will get into a proper relationship or one of you will get bored – it’s natural.

In a nutshell, you should generate an average of ₦400,000 from your female clients over a six month period. Therefore, even if you only manage to attract ten over a twelve month period it amounts to a very respectable second income of ₦4,000,000 per year (figure based on ten clients spending ₦400,000 yearly).

The second type of client you’ll encounter will be the couple. In other words, a male and female who are married or in a long-term relationship. In terms of background and employment they are likely to be your average middle class professional or business owner.

Whereas your female client may just desire a night at the theatre with a charming man, the couple client are often looking primarily for a sexual experience. This normally centres around the guy wanting to watch his partner perform with another man, and he’ll probably wish to join in (with her) at some point. To put it bluntly, two men pleasure her at the same time. I appreciate that you might find this strange. However, if you do a little research on the web you’ll find that huge numbers of couples are into voyeurism, swinging and threesomes.

I’ve found that couples are intrigued by the swinging scene, but find the idea of going to an organised event abhorrent. Therefore, many adventurous couples are choosing to hire a male escort who will help to fulfil their fantasy.

In the section ‘managing the expectations of couples’ I’ll discuss how to control the actual appointment.

From day one I chose to escort both single ladies and couples because it gave me a wider market to target. However, the decision is yours as not everyone is comfortable with being intimate with another man’s wife or girlfriend whilst he’s watching. But you do get used to it, and you can almost feel like a porn star! Sorry, got a little carried away there.

Escorting couples is not all about going into a hotel suite and having sex. Some couples prefer to meet in a nice bar or restaurant to have a bite to eat, and of course they pick up the tab. You finish off with a few drinks, then back to the hotel room. So, the evening can be very enjoyable, especially the ‘dessert’.

On average you’ll probably get to meet a couple on three separate occasions and they’ll book you for maybe an hour or two. So, charging something around ₦100,000 per hour you’ll generate revenue of between ₦250,000 – ₦350,000 per couple, usually over a 3 – 6 month period. It’s likely you’ll only meet most couple clients a few times, either because they soon fulfil their fantasies or because the guy becomes jealous of you pleasuring his woman.

As always there are exceptions and I have a good number of couple clients who I’ve been meeting for a few years and who book lucrative overnight appointments. Moreover, some have paid for me to fly off to places such as Pretoria, in South Africa and various other locations in Africa, and a few in Europe.

The main take away of this story is: don’t ignore the value of couple clients as they can become a long-term source of good revenue.

3. Male escort role

This is like asking: what do male escorts do or what is the work of a male escort? Well, generally speaking, an escort (male or female) in some respects is like an actor playing out whatever part the director (client) wishes the escort to play. Looking back over my escorting career I’ve played the work colleague, former lover, dominant stud, and latest boyfriend.

Whatever role you are required to adopt it’s up to you to ensure that you are not the star of the show. You must blend into the background and only shine if it serves to enhance your client’s ego or credibility. It’s about being a chameleon.

For me the role of a good escort is to act as a sort of therapist. In the case of couples who wish to play out fantasies, then you’re almost like a sex therapist. As a result of what you do the couple will see an improvement in their sex life.

A lot of single ladies you’ll meet will have “issues” to deal with, such as hang-ups concerning her body or a former partner who treated her badly. It’s your job to listen, empathise and reassure.

Men tend to deal with problems by offering solutions: that’s how we’re wired. If you’re down the pub with your best buddy complaining about your car breaking down, do you want him to put his arm round you, nod sympathetically, ask you how you really feel about it, hug you, offer you a tissue? No way!

You want him to come up with solutions and chew the fat. Women however perceive premature solution giving as evidence that they’re not being listened to, and not being understood. To feel heard they require the former type of response.

You don’t want to be viewed as suffering premature anything. So, if you always find yourself interrupting people to voice your opinion or give solutions, then learn to hold back, bite your lip. It’s a fact that many people describe those who are excellent at listening as being more interesting.

Be interesting.

4. Moral delimmas

These are tricky scenerios or situation that involves difficult choices for some males escort for girls, it’s akin to choosing between freedom and order. However, for some male escorts it’s no problem at all, but other male escorts might not think the same based on each escort upbringing.

Remember earlier I mentioned that your clients will generally be single. However, you will come across a number of clients that are still in a relationship and have merely hired you because they wish to exact revenge for an indiscretion their partner has committed, usually an affair with another woman.

In most cases she’ll be honest and tell you her reason for wanting to meet, but she may keep her real reason a secret. I would advise you to NEVER agree to an appointment where you and the cheating or former partner will both be in the same place, just to get him jealous, because the situation could turn nasty.

If on the other hand you can ascertain that she truly doesn’t wish to get caught then if your moral conscience will allow, meet her. You can rationalise this by telling yourself that you’re helping to save the relationship by offering your discreet services, and that the alternative could mean her meeting some guy in a bar who she’ll eventually run away with.

If you discover, whilst on a date, that your client does in fact have a partner and there’s a chance he may arrive during your date, then I’d advise you leave as soon as possible. You don’t know the other person and therefore can’t be certain of their reaction.

It is also highly probable that you’ll be contacted by married ladies. Should you escort them? Well, that’s entirely up to you and your own moral values. I personally escort married ladies because I’m convinced that my service helps preserve marriages. Think about it. Many relationships become stale and often couples stay married because of the security and for the sake of their children.

Lots of guys have mistresses or hire female escorts, so why shouldn’t wives have a little fun…

You will find that ladies who are willing to hire a guy for sex are able to completely separate their home life from you, the hired gun. Well, almost.

Surely, it’s far better for a person to have ‘sexual relations’ with a professional male escort who will not become attached and encroach on their day-to-day family life or turn into a bunny boiler?

For the lady who wants a little extra spice in her life the alternative is for her to have an affair. Doing this could end up wrecking the marriage and damaging the children psychologically.

Another scenario that arises is where the guy suspects that his wife or girlfriend would cheat on him should temptation be put in front of her. One story that springs to mind is that of a very affluent man who hired me to test his future wife. In essence he was paying me to try and sleep with her.

She was from a relatively poor state in Nigeria and I learned whilst on a date with her that she was only with him for the security that his wealth provided. On briefing the client after the date it became apparent he didn’t really want to hear that she was only after his money (what I’d call a gold digger). However, that was really no concern of mine because I’d done what I’d been hired to do as a professional escort.

You will receive calls from men who want to test the fidelity of their partner. The bottom line is that you shouldn’t waste too much time with them as most enquiries will not amount to a paid booking. The trick is to see how serious they are by asking for payment upfront to cover the initial meeting.

One caveat concerning couples is where the female subsequently wants to meet you without the consent of her partner: this presents a moral dilemma, and has to be handled with care, as you wouldn’t wish to spoil a lucrative relationship. So I would advise that you tactfully decline her invitation. It demonstrates that you have integrity and some moral values.

Moreover, blowing her out of the water, in the right way, is like employing cat-string theory: it will probably make her want you more, which will result in continued bookings. Okay, so I can hear you ask “what’s the cat-string theory?” Well, if you’ve ever dangled a piece of string in front of a cat you’ll have noticed that it became very interested, but once its claws are firmly attached the cat loses interest. It’s fair to say that it often pays in this business NOT to give women exactly what they want all of the time.

On the whole I believe it’s better to focus your marketing efforts on targeting unattached females. This is because it’s much easier to charm a woman when you ain’t got her boyfriend or husband to deal with as well. Moreover, you’ll find that your single clients will become hooked on you. This means that you’ll receive more bookings than you would do with a couple.

Therefore, expect to be invited to parties, wedding receptions and office functions. Plus, if you’re excellent at what you do then have your passport handy because you’ll be whisked away on foreign holidays.

5. How to avoid sugar mummy, escort agency and escort website scam

When I started escorting there were fewer agencies and escort websites than there are now. A hand-full could be found on the web and some charged for the privilege of registering as an escort, as they still do today.

As a result of the fact that I hadn’t got a clue about how to set myself-up as a male escort for girls, I registered with numerous agencies and websites during the first year and paid for the so-called privilege or registrstion fee. It cost somewhere in the region of ₦50,000 in total, which I could not really afford at the time.

In spite of being registered with several agencies during the first year of my new career which I didn’t receive one booking. Yes, that’s right not one single booking from any of the agencies. When I called or emailed them for an explanation I was constantly given the brush-off.

The business model for the vast majority of male escort and sugar mummy agencies, who have heterosexual guys on their books, is to register as many paying guys as possible. Typically, they charge anything up to ₦10,000 per year or one-time payment, which ensures they can generate the maximum amount of profit.

Some of the more devious operators even set-up bogus appointments which miraculously cancel at the last minute or the ‘client’ fails to turn-up. These are all ploys to make you think they are working hard on your behalf when in reality it’s just a scam used to keep you paying the subscription charge.

Moreover, they know that it’s probable that once you meet client as a result of an introduction by them the client will try to negotiate any future appointments directly with you, thus cutting out the agency. This is another reason why they prefer to collect a signing on fee from you.

In my experience and judging by the number of emails and calls I’ve received over the years, on the whole male escort agencies fail to deliver: you are better off operating as an independent male escort for girls from a reputable escort website. All you have to do is join an established online escort directory like StrangersForSex.com (SFS).

However, if you’re hell bent on joining an agency then it would be wise to ask the following questions before you hand over any cash. Can you guarantee a minimum number of bookings I’ll receive per week/month?

What’s your full postal address and business telephone number? [a legitimate business should have no issue with telling you]

Can I speak with some of the guys already on your books? [and ensure that you choose, not the agency]

To summarise, the best way to avoid being scammed by an agency is to NOT join one. Unless, they’ll offer to add you to their books without any upfront cost to you.

6. Pros and cons being an independent male escort

The key benefit of working as an independent male escort is flexibility, you work when you choose… For example, a few years ago I turned down two appointments – worth around ₦210,000 – simply because I was too busy enjoying the festive season with friends and family.

I hate letting that kind amount of money slip through my fingers. However, it’s not professional to meet clients either when you’ve had too much alcohol or are suffering from a bad hangover. Give your body 48 hours to recover from a heavy drinking session before you meet a client.

Imagine if I’d been referred the two appointments by an agency; do you think they’d have been as forthcoming with future work opportunities? I doubt it. In addition, an agency will expect you to advise them in advance what days and times you are available, which can be hard to adhere to especially if you have other commitments such as a full-time job, child care or a girlfriend.

A close second in terms of benefits of being a male escort is that, as an independent male escort online you can decide what to charge for your services and, more importantly, whatever you make you keep. Rather than having to pay a fee of 20% or more to an escort agency.

Also, if you’re anything like me, in the early days, you’ll be short of cash and so every coin you earn is precious. Plus, you generally get the opportunity to speak with your potential client prior to meeting, so you can discover whether they are the type of person you wish to meet.

However, the main downside of operating independently is that you’re on your own. So, you’re solely responsible for appointment making, and security. Marketing will largely be handel by your escort website, but you can assist their marketing effort by writing a detail ad content for your profile.

Being independent can be very frustrating initially because it takes a while to build a client base. But, don’t let this discourage you because once built you’ll have a regular stream of income. Be patience at the beginning and it will pay of in the end.

In terms of help, you’ll find that the majority of your fellow male escorts will not give you any, some of them will not even tell you a simple truth whether they are getting client or not even if you are on the same escort site unless you see their review. Why? It’s simple really. There are millions of guys who believe they have what it takes to become a male escort. The first thing they do is to contact all the escorts they can find on Google. Result? A lot of cheesed-off escorts who only want to answer calls and emails from potential clients NOT a competitor.

Imagine you owned a successful fruit and vegetable shop in a prime location in Uyo. And one day you receive a call from another would-be fruit shop owner who wants to open up right across the street. Not only is he going to grab some of your customers, but he’s also asking you to lay bare the secrets of your success. What are you going to say to him? Yes, it’s probably not repeatable.

Although there are pros and cons of working as an independent heterosexual male escort, rather than working under an escort agency, in my experience and opinion I firmly believe that working as an independent is the best way to make money and retain control.

7. Maximising your earning potential

Your earning potential is dependant on a number of factors such as: visibility, availability, mobility, geographical area covered, and being the right person for the job.

7.1 Visibility

Visibility relates to being seen by your potential clients on the web or in print media, like those Sun boys and girl on Sun News paper NOT Telegram or WhatsApp. It’s a hugely important factor. How come? If a potential client doesn’t know you’re in business as an escort then you’re not even in the ball park. There’s no point in opening a shop selling ‘the-best thing-since-sliced-bread’ if no one can find it.

You’ll discover in the section ‘why the web’ how best to promote yourself even if you’re operating on a shoe-string budget.

Actually, that’s just reminded me to impress upon you that becoming a male escort is about setting-up your own business, regardless of whether you operate as an independent or are registered with an agency. Therefore, the money you spend on developing your service should be viewed as an investment, which will eventually reap fantastic rewards.

7.2 Availability

It’s been my experience that clients, more often than not, book in advance but in this game you should expect the unexpected. Therefore, don’t be surprised to receive a call a couple of hours before the client wants you.

Just think back for a moment to the two appointments I was unable to complete over the Christmas period, it equated to ₦210,000 in lost revenue. Consequently, your availability is important if you want to build a profitable business.

It’s good practice to have a full outfit already washed and ironed for occasions when you get the phone call just as you’ve settled down with a pizza and six-pack to watch the football game.

You should also, if possible, leave any arrangements to socialise with your friends till the last minute on certain days because, as sure as the setting of the sun each day you will get a call on Friday or Saturday from someone who wishes to book you that night.

7.3 Geographical Area

The geographical area you are prepared to cover will give you a far greater scope to generate income, so give some thought to this and ensure that potential clients are aware, mention the area you cover when writing your escort bio or ad content, it will help search engine like Google to recommend you to people searching for escorts in your location.

But, no matter how far you are prepared to travel as a matter of practicality it may be impossible to get to an appointment 300 kilometres away in an hour!

Be realistic.

7.4 Mobility

In terms of mobility, if you can drive and have a car (or ride a motorbike) it will give you greater flexibility. Although, the majority of your appointments will normally be in or close to a city centre there will be times when travel by car is essential usually because of the limitations of public transport, especially at night.

If you currently can’t drive or can but don’t have access to a car then try to remedy this situation as soon as is possible. However, I don’t recommend getting into debt to purchase a fancy car. Either advise your clients that you only meet in city centre locations or ask a friend to drive you to appointments.

As already stated, you’ll find the majority of bookings will be arranged in advance. This neutralises the issue of your physical location. This is especially true where the potential client is a female, as they tend to spend hours, days or months deciding whether to book you or someone else, unlike couples… This is also the opposite of the female escort industry where punters tend to arrange a meeting with the girls based on a sexual urge and a last minute decision.

7.5 Be the right person for the job

People decide to hire a male escort for a number of reasons and when they’re searching online for someone to fulfil that need or desire they must perceive you as being the right person for the job. In order to win the business you need to convince them that you can and will be worth spending their hard-earned cash on. We’ll discuss how to improve your chances later, but suffice me to say for now it’s imperative to convey the right impression both in your escort bio and in the way that you answer your phone or respond to chats.

8. Focus on your strength

If you’re a bronzed Adonis with the mind of a genius and a high level of emotional intelligence, then you can skip this section. Otherwise, read on.

In order to become a successful male escort you have to be clear in your profile bio about what you can offer to potential clients. Essentially you’re a product for hire, albeit a living one. Therefore, you need to identify your Unique Selling Points (USPs). I found it useful to write a list of my own USPs, so I recommend you do the same.

Don’t start scribbling just yet though because we’ll cover the whole business of features and benefits in the section titled ‘why words win business and how to use them effectively’.

The point I’m trying to make is that everyone has something that makes them stand-out from the crowd, so know your strengths and play to them. Moreover, don’t neglect being truthful to yourself about any weaknesses and work to improve them: Rome wasn’t built in a day.

9. Choose a stage name

If you’d prefer to get into character like an actor and having a different name would help then go for it. Perhaps you believe your real name is too old fashioned or boring? Cool, change it for something more appropriate. Just make sure you remember to respond to it at all times otherwise you’ll come across as being a complete amateur. This is not the impression you want to give.

When I started it seemed natural to use a different name, probably because it’s what our female counterparts generally do. However, when I was invited to accompany a client on a foreign trip I had to give my real name, so tickets could be booked. From then on I started to use my real name, Okon. In addition, if you’re out with a client and you happen to bump into someone who knows you it avoids confusion.

9. What do you do for a living – Who should you tell?

From a security point of view it’s a good idea to let someone know where you’re going. On the other hand, do you tell your mother or best friend every time you go out on a date? Probably not.

My advice is that you be very selective with who you tell, the fewer people the better. If you can possibly keep the secret to yourself then do so. People, especially close relatives, have a habit of telling others about secrets they have learned. This is more so when the secret is not about them. It could be years after you’ve finished escorting that someone you told blurts it out at the most inopportune moment.

Picture the scenario where your bride-to-be is stood by you in the church when the preacher asks, “Does anyone gathered here today know of any reason why… should not be joined in marriage?” And out if the blue someone shouts from the back ““The groom used to sleep with women for money”. Ouch!

In addition, some of your friends and family may well feel offended or disgusted by what you’re going. To many ordinary people escorting equals prostitution. In other words, getting paid for sex, but you know better – it’s not true. Escorts are more like adult therapists.

Being a male a escort is much more than simply offering sex for money. You’re a therapist, a trainer, friend, a companion, and part-time lover. However, people do make snap judgements and can’t see beyond the popular perception what an escort does. Therefore, I believe it’s wiser to keep what you do to yourself. Otherwise you’ll spend your time justifying yourself to those who choose to take the moral high-ground.

Imagine yourself as a professional hitman. Would you go around telling everyone what you do to earn extra bucks? Erm, NO.

10. Three character traits you must develop

Unless you are a brilliant actor, then I suggest the persona you present is as close to the real you as possible. I have purposely avoided saying ‘just be yourself’ because this may not be enough to hold the interest of your client. However, trying to come across as a James Bond 007 character without having the suave, sophistication and Aston Martin to back-up your claim will mark you as a complete Muppet.

So what characteristics should you be looking to display? Well, there are lots but I believe there are three key ones. Firstly, and perhaps most importantly it has to be confidence.

10.1 Be confidence

This is about being self-assured and possessing an inner feeling that you’re a capable person in any given situation.

Generally speaking we lack confidence when subjected to a new experience. “How do I overcome it?” – I thought you would ask. It’s easy, you fake it until you make it. It’s strange, but when you start to think and act like you’re already a seasoned professional your subconscious mind gets to work and your confidence level increases 100%.

A confident person will have a certain demeanour. For instance, when I walk into a hotel bar to meet a client I will walk with my head up, shoulders back, arms hanging loosely by my sides – think George W. Bush (or Vladimir Putin of Russia, if you prefer the alpha male posture). I will look around the room in search of my client whilst walking, but my head will move slowly and purposefully – a sign of confidence.

If anyone makes eye contact I will hold it and maybe give a slight nod or raise my eyebrows as if to say, “hello, I’m a non-threatening alpha male.” If your client recognises you first then immediately you’ve given the impression you are a confident guy.

Confidence is a vital ingredient because most of your clients will have bags of the stuff, at least on the surface, because they are likely to be rich or affluent. So, you’re going to look pretty lame if you can’t at least match their level of confidence. But remember, there’s a fine line between confidence and arrogance.

Don’t be arrogance.

You will also meet clients who lack confidence and self-esteem. They will usually be ladies who have had a hard time with a former partner, leaving them emotionally scarred. One example that springs to mind was a recently divorced professional who’d been married for years to a husband who suffered difficulty with erections and as a consequence withheld sex. She hadn’t had sex for years, as such she naturally almost lose all confidence in men.

In her job she was used to being confident and in control, running the show, but as a woman looking to have a healthy sexual experience she was a terrified nervous wreck. She needed me to be completely confident, that’s (a), I’d be able to perform (unlike her husband), and (b), that she’d be able to relax and enjoy herself (if you catch my drift) with me. If I’d been at all unconfident I suspect I’d have lost her straight away.

10.2 Be decisive

Secondly, you need to portray yourself as being decisive. Even though your clients are used to being in control at work, when out on a date with her male escort she’ll expect to be able to take a back seat and let you take the lead. At least that’s how most women are, even though they’re the one paying, they still see you as a man, and you have to be a man.

Let’s say you’ve just been sat down at your table in a restaurant. The waiter will probably pass you the wine menu. Politely ask your client if she prefers red or white wine, then order something without too much delay. This is being decisive. If she wishes to choose the wine she’ll tell you.

10.3 Be charismatic

Charisma describes a person’s power to attract or influence people. I’m sure you’ve come across guys who have a certain aura about them – a presence that’s kind of unexplainable. Barack Obama has this quality, as did JFK.

“So, why is it important to develop?” you ask. It’s because your clients will feel drawn towards you like an iron filing to a magnet. Or like a moth to a flame. It implies irresistible and dangerous attraction.

Essentially, you should be aiming to appeal to your clients on an emotional rather than on a purely logical level. This is what having charisma does. Think back to the last time you bought something you wanted but didn’t really need. I bet you convinced yourself that you almost couldn’t live without it? Well, it was an emotional response that caused you to buy, not a logical one.

We’re all emotionally driven at some level, but when it comes to sex, women are especially so. Women tend not to have sex or go out with a man for purely physical reasons, like having a big dick, most woman don’t really care much about dick sizes. Professional, high achieving women (your target market) may want to believe that they can overcome their emotional drive and hire an escort in a purely logical, unemotional manner, and may indeed appear to be doing so, but they are still subject to female hormonal responses (don’t we know it?). In other words, chemical reactions that drive their behaviour.

For example, when a guy cums he’s flooded with a hormone that makes him relax and fall asleep (Note: not to be recommended as an escort). When a lady cums, she’s flooded with the same hormone, which can have the same effect, but often floods her with feelings of tenderness so that she wants to be cuddled, wants to talk emotional and is often alert. (Apparently Mother Nature did that so that cavewoman could run off and find another caveman to inseminate her, so improving her chances of getting pregnant and continuing the species).

Anyhow, my point is if you understand that there is an emotional aspect to potential clients choosing you and coming back to you. So, allow for it and use it to your advantage.

Also, however emancipated or liberated the woman, she’ll still be aware that culturally it’s still less acceptable for a woman to pay for sex/ male company, than it is for a man. Women on an unconscious level justify the physical (sleeping with you) by having some level of emotional involvement. (Cave woman needed to make sure caveman would hang around and provide for her and her children once she got pregnant).

Okay, so how do you develop charisma if you’ve not already got it? The fastest and most effective method, in my opinion, is to identify someone who you think is charismatic and simply model them. In other words, focus on what it is about your model that gives him or her that charismatic quality and copy it!

The person could be a friend, colleague, movie/sports star or a popular politician. This is not original thinking on my part, but one I’ve borrowed from a branch of psychology known as Neuro Linguistic Programming. Studying NLP is a great way to help you achieve the results you want in life.

This is not about getting and staying in character. It’s about self-improvement, becoming the type of person you want to be.

11. How to dress like a seasoned professional

It is without doubt essential to look like an impeccably groomed and styled individual. You never get a second chance to make a first impression. I know it’s a well-worn cliché, but one that’s so true.

I’m going to proceed on the basis that you’ve access to some money to spend on ‘looking the part’. Don’t worry about not having an outfit for every occasion because you can build-up your wardrobe as the money starts to roll in. In my experience the majority of your engagements will be informal. Consequently, the smart but casual look will be perfectly acceptable. By this I mean shoes, shirt, jeans and jacket.

11.1. Get a pair of good shoes

The first investment you should make is on a quality pair of black leather shoes, lace-up or slip on. Forget the latest fashion for now, instead go for a classic style that looks smart with either jeans or trousers. I personally have a preference for English shoemakers such as Jeffery West, Barker or Loake.

Moreover, they don’t cost a fortune because you can buy sale items, discontinued lines or slight seconds (‘slight seconds’ means they have a minor imperfection).

If you shop online then you should be able to source a pair of ₦30,000 shoes for half price or less. Try typing ‘barker shoes + sale’ into Google.

If you don’t or can’t shop online then go to the shopping mall or specialist shoe store and buy one good pair of shoes. The best quality ones usually have leather soles and the heels can easily be replaced. Once broken-in these shoes should only be worn when you’re escorting.

Think of them as part of your uniform and resist the temptation of wearing them for walking the dog, digging the garden or night clubbing with your buddies. If well cared for they’ll last for years.

I know I’ve ranted on about shoes and that’s because women just love ‘em, many women love men shoes. And it’s a knocking bet that your client will notice your expensive looking and highly polished shoes and think “this man pays attention to detail.” You’ll flick the attraction switch in her brain, and you’re off to a perfect start.

If you don’t believe the wisdom of bad shoes are a no, no, then go ask a few female friends or your mother and hear what they think about men with bad shoes.

I do appreciate that you might not be in a financial position to buy expensive shoes at the moment. Therefore, if you’re operating on a very limited budget then I’d suggest you buy the best quality black leather shoes you can afford and keep them in tip top condition.

11.2. Buy a good shirt

Secondly, buy at least one good shirt, and don’t use the one you’ve been wearing to work for the last five years because apart from showing signs of age it will not feel right: how you feel is vital. Stick with a plain colour or one with subtle stripes, checks or design. Avoid anything that smacks of Hawaiian holidays like the plague! or Halloween!! No offence, but they are just too garish.

Should you wear the shirt tucked in or out? Well, if you’re wearing a formal shirt i.e. one normally worn with a suit, then I’d say tucked in. On the other hand, if it’s more of casual style it should be fine to wear out. If you live with any females then ask for an opinion on what looks best. Ofcourse, without saying what the occassion is about.

11.3. Get a suit jacket or blazer

The third item on your list should be a suit jacket or blazer (no brass buttons please). Single breasted with a rear vent is the way to go. In terms of colour choose a mid to dark grey, blue or black, but remember black tends to highlight marks, stains and dandruff.

The suit jacket or blazer is versatile, as it can be worn with jeans or trousers, and makes even the worst clothes horse look presentable. However, and this is a big HOWEVER, it must fit correctly. If you’re shopping on a budget the bespoke option will be too expensive. Unless you happen to be in Hong Kong or Thailand where tailor-made suits can be bought dirt cheap. But this guide is largely for Africans or more precisely Nigerian male escorts.

Therefore, for quality, variety of sizes and good value I’d recommend Marks and Spencer (200 stores worldwide, and in all Shoprite and Spar in Nigeria) or Macy’s in the USA. If you’re lucky enough to live close to a branch of TK Maxx, then check it out as you may be able to bag a bargain or two.

11.4. Buy a good trouser

The forth item on the agenda are the things that cover your legs. As already mentioned the smart, casual look will be the order of the day for most occasions. When coupled with a well-fitting jacket, a nice pair of jeans give the appearance of a cool, upscale guy.

Personally, I’m a fan of Levi’s, they don’t cost very much and are an iconic brand. A straight leg or boot cut are fine, but base your choice on what looks and feels right. Moreover, choose a dark blue as they look classier then faded denim.

I also wear Hugo Boss and Paul Smith jeans as they’re classy and slightly upmarket. You should steer clear of the latest fashions which is in Nigeria and England at the moment amounts to either skinny jeans (they look like they’ve been sprayed on) or baggy ones worn with the ubiquitous Calvin Klein underwear showing.

If you wear a belt then make sure the colour matches your shoes and that it’s not showing signs of age. Remember, pay attention to the little details because your client will notice.

Dress as you’d like to be address.

That covers the main items of your wardrobe, but I’d just like to mention a few other important bits of kit…

11.5. Buy a pair of shock

The Homer Simpson socks you got for Christmas are a fashion mistake. Just go for plain black or subtle pattern, and make sure they haven’t got any holes in them.

11.6. Start wearing pant or boxer

Unless you are offering a strictly no-sex service then there’s a good chance your client will see your underwear. If you normally go ‘commando’ and don’t wear anything then I suggest you start doing so. It might be very liberating to have your balls hanging free, but many high class or affluent women could also construed this as being a little unhygienic. Moreover, when you’re stripping off or she’s ripping off your clothes it adds a little suspense and sense of anticipation to have something covering your manhood.

Therefore, I recommend you to buy at least one pair of underwear that you only wear for escorting. I don’t know about you, but I always feel better when I’ve got a new pair of briefs on. It’s not necessary to splash out on a designer brand immediately because there are more important things to invest in.

Go for unglamorous, solid colours such as black, blue or grey as they are unlikely to offend the eye. White should be avoided because dirty brown marks have a strange habit of appearing in them, a definite passion killer.

In terms of style there are boxers, trunks, briefs and thongs to choose from. I’d say wear what suits your body type. For example, if you’re quite slim then a pair of baggy boxer shorts will make your legs appear real skinny, so a better choice would be a close fitting trunk or brief.

I would urge caution about wearing thongs, most girls don’t think guys should be wearing them – you’ve been warned. Jewellery is a very subjective choice, so the question is should your wear it? Well, the short answer is NO, especially if you’re sticking to the conservative look. However, there is one item that can add to your overall look without giving the impression you’re a dodgy second-hand car dealer, aging hippy or beach bum…

11.6. Get a quality wrist watch

A quality watch will do this. In addition, it’s less conspicuous to check a watch than it is to pull out your mobile phone to see how much time you have left on your appointment.

Ultimately, your fashion style should reflect what you are offering. Therefore, if you want to make the statement that “I’m a rock star and therefore über cool” then feel free to dress and accessorise accordingly. If you wish to appeal to the broadest possible market then dress conservatively. And, I don’t mean like your grandfather. If you find yourself struggling with clothing style then ask a female friend – whose fashion sense you trust – and ask her opinion. Again, you need not tell anyone what the occassion is about.

12. Essential grooming guide from an old army buddy

Next, I’d like to talk about grooming. I’ll apologise in advance if I’m teaching you to suck eggs, but I used to be in the armed forces and cleanliness was a big deal. You’d be surprised at how many guys didn’t know about basic hygiene and grooming.

12.1. Have a haircut

The hair on your head should be clean, free of dandruff and cut as regularly as money will allow. Styles are very personal, so just make sure you choose one that suits you, and don’t be swayed too much by the latest fashion. Having to flick your hair away from your eyes every few seconds – it marks you out as a very vain guy.

If you have a receding hairline and or are going bald on top, like I am, then the best advice is to accept it. You have only two viable options, either shave it all off (think Bruce Willis or Vin Diesel) or have your hairdresser or barber to clipper it very close.

There’s nothing worse than a guy who tries to cover-up the fact that he’s going bald by styling his hair in order to hide it – you’ll get found out. Moreover, it sends out a signal that you’re insecure about your baldness.

Be bold, be bald!

12.2. Shave your facial hair

With regards to facial hair I believe the safest bet is to be clean shaven. I appreciate that designer stubble is quite cool, but you risk alienating part of the market. (Sharon Stone refused to allow filming of Michael going down on her in the film Basic Instinct until he was clean shaven because he gave her stubble rash down below). In other words some ladies may not book because you have facial hair, especially if it’s a handlebar moustache.

If you firmly believe that facial hair enhances your look (check with a friend or three) then keep it. I don’t wish to stifle your individuality. But make sure you declare it on your escort profile bio on the website when describing yourself.

Nose and ear hair are a no, no, get rid of it…

Moreover, keep your eyebrow hair tidy by plucking with tweezers or having them waxed or threaded by a beautician. A word of caution with regards to eyebrows. Be careful about doing them yourself as you could end up looking far worse than before. It’s best to ask your sister or female friend. In fact, a trip to the beauty salon won’t break the bank. Lopsided eyebrows ain’t sexy and you’ll look like a Vulcan from the Star Trek films.

12.3. Take care of your body hair

Having a hairy back, chest and shoulders will make you look like Chewbacca, which is definitely not the way forward. You never see one of those Armani or Calvin Klein male models with excess body hair do you?

If you have a mass of chest hair then I’d recommend you at least trim it down, so it looks neater. Personally, I’d lose the back and shoulder hair, depilatory cream is the cheapest option. However, some ladies love the hairy caveman look, so you could use it to your advantage. In other words, you could use it as a selling feature.

12.4. Take care of your crack hair

Okay, so what about crack hair? Yes, the stuff that grows out of your ass. Well, it’s certainly more hygienic to have a hairless butt and you’ll not get any of those embarrassing ‘clingons’. However, your client may start to wonder if you have a severe OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) and this may distract her from enjoying sex with you. If your but looks like the Amazon rain forest then I’d suggest you just prune it a little.

12.3. Take care of your pubic hair

In terms of pubic hair you can either go for the completely bald look – and look like a skinned rabbit – or do as I do and just trim it right down with scissors or clippers. Again, it’s more hygienic and less hair will make your manhood look bigger if you are not very endowed as a man.

12.4. Take care of your nails

Women notice hands therefore, you should take care of them, if you don’t already do so. They should be scrupulously clean, with dirt-free fingernails. Cut your fingernails with scissors or nail clippers -don’t chew them – because bitten nails look nasty. I’d also suggest you get into the habit of moisturising your hands as often as possible, so they feel soft on her skin. Also, consider having a male manicure.

Wear gloves if working outdoors or lifting weights at the gym because this will reduce the severity of calluses on your hands.

12.5. Take care of your toes

Most men tend to neglect their feet probably because they are rarely on show. However, this is no excuse for having cheesy smelling feet.

Toenails should be cut regularly and don’t forget to scrape any scum from underneath them. If your feet do generally smell then use an antibacterial foot spray or powder after showering and drying them properly. When having a shower pay special attention to cleaning behind your foreskin (if you have one), between your toes, and the crack of your butt.

12.6. Take care of your sweat and breath

Use deodorant – fresh sweat during the act is sexy, stale sweat is a big turnoff

Have fresh breath – floss regularly, use mouthwash, don’t smoke.

Whilst on the subject of smoking it should be remembered that most people don’t smoke. And people who don’t can smell a smoker a mile away (slight exaggeration, but you know what I mean). The fumes linger on clothing, breath, and hair. So, I’d advise if you do smoke then ensure you have your last cigarette/cigar before you get showered and changed for your date.

If you do smoke and you mention so on your sfs profile then you WILL lose out to those male escorts who do not. One last thing with regards to your mouth. It’s home to perhaps the most important items in terms of giving a great impression – your TEETH.

12.7. Take care of your teeth

As we get older our teeth start to discolour, especially after years of drinking coffee, tea, and cola. Oh!, and smoking. I’m not suggesting that you need to have porcelain veneers on every tooth like some Hollywood film star, but you should take care of your teeth. In fact I’d highly recommend that you invest money in dental work, should you need it.

Having a great smile will help you feel more confident. It will make you appear younger, and your clients will be very impressed.

Cool, now we’ve dealt with the general cleaning bit I’d like to switch focus to your head, specifically your face. I’m making a big assumption here that you’ve gotten over the spotty stage, but if you haven’t then seek medical advice.

12.8. Take care of your face

Obviously, the face takes a hammering from the elements and consequently it can often look dull and show signs of age. So, I recommend four steps that should improve your complexion within a short space of time. Firstly, use a face mask once or twice per month as they’re great for unblocking the pores.

Secondly, use a gentle facial scrub a few times per week, but avoid the sensitive eye area. The benefit of exfoliating your face is that it helps to unblock pores, removes dead skin cells, stimulates circulation, and softens stubble. I personally use a face scrub prior to shaving.

Thirdly, moisturise your face daily as it will help replenish the moisture lost during washing and shaving. Lastly, buy an eye care product for the area around the eyes. Using it regularly helps to reduce puffiness, dark rings and fine lines around the eye area.

12.9. Take care of your lips

Oh, I almost forget to mention lips… ladies adore soft lips. Therefore, after brushing your teeth gently brush the lips using small circular movements. This will have the effect of buffing them up. Then to keep your lips in tiptop condition finish off by applying a lip balm or Vaseline, and use regularly.

Using the above tips will ensure you present yourself in the best possible light.

13. Have a clean bill of health

Before you even consider going the whole hog as a male escort you should first visit the clinic. And I’m talking about the one that screens people for sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). Some lie dormant for a long time, without any symptoms so it’s good to know you are definitely clear. If you attend a GUM (Genito-Urinary Medicine) clinic (rather than your GP) information stays confidential and you’re dealing with people whose daily job is other peoples’ genitals. Put another way, they’re very blasé and have heard it all before.

The added benefit of getting regular check ups is that the nurse will check your testicles for lumps or other abnormalities – something most guys don’t do. In addition, you’ll likely be given loads of free condoms.

Now for the scary bit: if you’re working as an escort you need to get checked regularly for what the medics call “blood borne viruses” (HIV, hepatitis B, C and A). All except hep A can be transmitted via sexual secretions (male and female) and blood (including menstrual blood).

The tests are free (in the UK not Nigeria) and done from a single blood sample. You (or perhaps more importantly your client) can have all these viruses for years without any symptoms. All can cause severe liver damage and potentially kill if not detected and treated.

You can be vaccinated against hepatitis B for free at any GUM clinic. You should be if working as an escort – it’s one less thing to worry about.

Disease is no respecter of class: the ladies may be posh, affluent and loaded but you should treat each as potentially infected. In other words:

Always use a condom.

Never have any form of genital contact with a menstruating woman, not even with your fingers as you could have tiny cuts invisible to the eye

If you give oral sex there is a risk of contracting STDs and a theoretical risk of picking up hep B/HIV so you may want to use a dental dam (free from GUM clinics) or Clingfilm (the stuff used for covering sandwiches) to protect your tongue and lips from her secretions.

If your gums bleed even slightly when you floss or brush your teeth, then do this well before you meet, not in the bathroom before you “retire” (otherwise there’s easy access to your bloodstream to any viruses in her mouth from her bleeding gums) Never share razors or toothbrushes – microscopic traces of blood left on them, not naked to the eye, could contain virus, which is not destroyed by soap and water.

Don’t let any woman with cold sores suck your penis. If you have cold sores best to cancel the appointment.

Hep A, whilst not lethal, can damage your liver. It’s passed on essentially from excrement to mouth, or excrement to finger to mouth. Again, if you’re going to kiss/lick around the anal area you definitely want to protect yourself using a dental dam or piece of Clingfilm however clean it looks. If you touch around the anal area you need to wash your hands before you touch anywhere else (you could touch a breast with the same finger then later kiss or lick and pick up the hep A virus).

Okay, I’m done scaring you. End of health lecture!

Always keep your wits about you, don’t take chances. Yes you need the money, but it’s no good to you dead.

Disclaimer: whilst I’ve endeavoured to advise you on the common health risk factors, I’m not a doctor. Therefore, before starting as an escort you should visit your local GUM clinic for professional advice.

14. Male escort tool kit

The picture below (figure 1) contains the items a professional male escort should carry when meeting a client: travel toothbrush, mint flavoured chewing gum, lip balm or Vaseline, lubricant and condoms. I use a small cloth bag with a drawstring top to carry everything except the gum, which I have in my pocket.

Even if you’ve only been booked for a dinner date you never know how things can turn out…

Be prepared!

Also, make certain that you have enough money to get back home just in case something goes wrong and you don’t collect a fee from the client.

TBC…